


I'm Not Scared

by GuyOfShy



Series: Slices [5]
Category: citrus - サブロウタ | citrus - Saburouta
Genre: F/F, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Step-Sibling Incest, Step-Sibling Love, YuzuMei - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-21
Updated: 2019-01-21
Packaged: 2019-10-14 03:43:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17500895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GuyOfShy/pseuds/GuyOfShy
Summary: Sitting alone in the bath, Yuzu ponders why she finds bathing with Mei uncomfortable now, or rather, how she didn't mind it before. She gets out and gets dressed only to find Mei with questions of her own on her mind. Lessons that had yet to be learned. But learning was a part of love, however long it took, as Yuzu had learned so much from her already. Like how Mei was a slow learner when it came to some things, but Yuzu didn't mind waiting.





	I'm Not Scared

Yuzu sighed at the ceiling and shifted her legs in the water, thinking about how strange this was.

The more their relationship bloomed, the less keen her and Mei were on bathing together, despite having done so already. They usually ended up keeping an awkward, quiet distance, save for the times that one of them worked up the bravery to start a conversation, both wishing that they were better at it.

Yuzu chalked it up to constantly being around each other. From the walks to and from school, their classes during, and the evenings they shared after; she supposed wanting breaks, even small ones like this, was only natural. That was what she told herself, at least… She also knew that she felt more nervous than ever bearing their bodies to each other… A blush crept in just thinking about it, whether she imagined them in the bath or in bed, and it was hard not to think about it. Reminding her of her love was the smell of the new grapefruit soap Mei had bought her. And how her love sat alone only a room away, waiting for her… or doing homework, more likely.

Yuzu stood up, exhaled again while water dripped down her skin and down the drain, and waded through the humid air to her towel and a pair of cozy night clothes, and then back to her room. Before she had stepped in or even finished opening the door Mei’s stern eyes stopped her cold. No, not stern… heavy. She sat on the side of the bed facing the door, apparently waiting for Yuzu, sending the full weight of her stare her way.

“Hey, Mei… is something wrong?” Yuzu asked, feeling vulnerable in Mei’s eyes, which sank to the floor: her usual response when something was on her mind, avoiding lying to Yuzu by not denying it and avoiding discomfort by not confirming.

Yuzu let her decide what she wanted to do. Ignoring her urge to probe about it, she shut the door behind her and walked to her desk, returning her ring to its rightful place on her finger. While brushing her hair she glanced occasionally at Mei through the mirror, who had yet to respond to her question. Yuzu returned her attention to herself for the time being since it was apparent that Mei probably wasn’t going to speak up any time soon. She sighed into the mirror, seeing how worried her own eyes had sunk.

After untangling her last locks of hair she put her brush down, unsure of what to do next. She checked the time on her phone. Nine… not quite late enough for them to go to bed yet, but if Mei was planning on staying quiet all night… Yuzu hated seeing Mei like this. It made her heart heavy, made it clench uncomfortably, worriedly. Yuzu glanced into the mirror again, wondering if there was any way to soothe Mei for now, and in its reflection saw her stand up.

Mei walked around the bed, watching Yuzu watch her in the mirror, and sat down on the side right behind her. Yuzu turned around to meet her, suddenly nervous.

“Yuzu.” She glanced away again. Yuzu patiently let Mei work her words out, noticing how she gripped her knees. “Am I being nice enough?”

“Of course.” Yuzu didn’t need to think about it. She couldn’t count the number of times she’d said this to Mei already. The response came so easily to Yuzu that it may as well have been rehearsed. She waited for Mei to elaborate and expand: there was always a second level to her thinking beyond her initial concern. But Mei never spoke up. She either tentatively watched Yuzu or the mirror behind her. Yuzu merely thought that she’d shocked Mei by answering so fast, but the silence settled in swiftly. “Mei? That wasn’t all, was it?”

Mei nodded, sweeping a fallen lock of hair behind her ear rather clumsily. She knew it was silly. Stupid, even. She knew Yuzu was going to say “of course”. She knew already. She just didn’t know why she couldn’t listen and learn already… whether the fault was in her heart or her brain. Every time she thought and felt that she was being nice and pleasant, she remembered the great endeavors Yuzu had undertaken for her, to get them where they were now. Mei wanted to carry them further. She just wanted to return some fraction of the kindness Yuzu had shown her, and the happiness she’d brought her; entirely, if she was capable of doing so. Mei wondered if her efforts were paying off. Or if it was enough? And what she could do more?

She had started taking Yuzu out on dates. Buying her gifts and trying her best to make her own. Making time for her. Going out of her way for her. She was trying to emulate Yuzu's incessant care for her: trying to be both the best sister and best girlfriend to her, in not so different ways that quickly melded into one overwhelming emotion. And Mei felt it always.

The long silence gave Yuzu enough time to understand it. She stood but hesitated when Mei looked up at her, eyes full of concern, and in them Yuzu could see Mei bearing her vulnerable heart to her. So Yuzu leaned forward and wrapped her arms snugly around her.

“I don’t know why I have to keep saying it, but yes, you’re being nice enough Mei. You’re lovely.” Yuzu kissed her on the cheek and leaned back into her, finally feeling Mei hug her back. “You’ve made me happier than anyone else has Mei. And I don't really see that ever changing. Seriously. I..." Yuzu huffed. "I _love_ you Mei. I don't know how to explain it any better than that."

 

“You don't need to.” Mei had learned not to trust those words, to require an explanation for them, but she trusted this emotion that she felt and Yuzu described to her. It was that melded love, romantic and familial, intimate and intrinsic. Mei accepted it as both. As one. And tried to accept Yuzu’s words earnestly this time, despite how hard it was to contain such profound feelings… It hurt so much that she felt tears wetting her eyes. “I’m sorry,” she muttered while wiping her eyes and holding Yuzu tighter.

“Don’t be. You have nothing to be sorry for.” Yuzu laid her hand on the back of Mei’s head, holding her close.

“I should be past this already.”

“Mei… listen. The next time you start worrying or doubting yourself, remember exactly what I just told you, okay? You’re lovely, and I love you.”

The moment was already fleeting amidst Mei’s tangling emotions and the sweet, tangy scent on Yuzu’s skin, but she used this moment to commit it to memory in her head and her heart. Citrus-y smell and all.

“Okay.”

“Good.” Yuzu let her go and pivoted to sit beside her, wanting to stay close. Mei shuffled even closer; their legs touched as she reached for Yuzu’s hands and held them, leaning into a long and lazy kiss.

“I love you too.”

“That’s all I need to be happy,” Yuzu said quietly, leaning her forehead against Mei’s, looking down as she laced their fingers together. “Believe me when I say that Mei. So don’t worry.”

“I do believe you. But I want to make you happier if I can.”

“Then go for it,” Yuzu grinned. “I know you’ll figure something out in no time flat. You always do.” 

“...I’ll try my best,” Mei responded meekly before being hugged again by Yuzu.

“There’s no rush. Especially since it’s getting late. So, what do you say to calling it a night?” Yuzu asked now that Mei was smiling.

“Sure.”

Yuzu untied their hands and stood to go turn the lights off, then climbed under the covers next to Mei. She still looked a little uneasy, but much happier nonetheless. Yuzu slid closer and dragged Mei’s arm over her, then slipped her own around her side.

Yuzu was already a warm person, but just after her bath radiated a little extra heat. And smelled nice… Mei held her close and comfortable.

“Did you like the soap?”

Yuzu smiled and tried to stifle her giggling behind it.

“I did. It feels and smells great, so thanks.”

“I should be the one thanking you.”

“Let’s kiss and call it even.”

Mei nodded and drifted closer, expecting a short, playful peck, but Yuzu’s lips lingered, pressing gently, renewing a timid resolve in Mei’s heart. Mei opened her eyes once Yuzu parted, staring, wondering what to say. Maybe there wasn’t anything to say.

If there was, she couldn’t think of it.

“Goodnight.”

“Sweet dreams.”

Whether or not her best was good enough, it was all she had. Yuzu was all that she had. So Yuzu deserved nothing less.

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve been holding onto this fic for so long. I felt nervous about posting it because I wanted to improve it more, but got stuck and gave up for a couple months, however a friend read it and told me to post it already. So I’m sorry for not doing so sooner since I know it's been quite a while.
> 
> This one was inspired very largely by the album _At Weddings_ by Tomberlin ("I'm Not Scared" is the title of a song from it). This album has moved me in such a profound way. And while writing this fic I thought that some of the songs paralleled their relationship pretty well, so although I didn't delve too deeply with this fic - it's a pretty simple moment - it feels very profound to me. I hope you enjoyed it as well, so let me know what you think!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!


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